Strength to Endure(The Gift of Injury)
People ask but I can rarely answer the question, ”what do you want for your birthday”…I’m a man of few wants but this year, Someone up there though knew just what I needed however and gave me a gift that just kept on giving in the form of what I have to consider a freak back injury on the day of my 41st birthday. I knew my back was tweaked when I began my training session that day, but in full meathead fashion, I ignored the growing sense that something was off and proceeded with a marathon training session be-fit of my 28 years of lifting to celebrate the big day going heavy and hard for over 90 minutes to prove to myself I’m alright, and my back is fine.
Ah hem…I was …WRONG.
The next morning I got out of bed with a sense of dread and the moment I stood up, it was evident that something was very wrong. Now understand, I have always considered myself pretty “tough guy”…I’ve endured plenty of pain throughout my life and as family and friends will attest, rarely will I ever let on and show it, I can brush most things off, but this was different.
I knew then whatever I had done to initially tweak my back was now a full-blown injury. I was literally floored that morning, physically unable to stand up, so I crawled on my hands and knees to an area of the house where I could begin to try to figure out what needed to be stretched, rolled, released, mobilized and anything else I could do to move out of this excruciating pain and at least get upright for a little while. I thought I would stretch and move and my body would miraculously rebound and for moments it did ( these moments are important) but the relief never lasted long…
This cycle went on for about 3 weeks…If I was lucky enough to sleep through the night without pain and spasms keeping me awake, I would roll out of bed, with a mantra I often repeat in times like this on my lips…” I am whole, I am healthy, I am vital, I am strong”…and for 3+ weeks, my body said,”NOT TODAY PAL”, hence the cycle would start again…Lay to the floor; breathe, release, roll, crawl, rock, nod, and stretch, just to be able to stand up, bend over, get my pants and shoes on, and show up for my clients. To say it was physically and mentally draining would be an understatement.
Despite how difficult this experience was, I am grateful for it. It truly was a wonderful gift as the lessons it provided me were ones I would not have gotten otherwise.
I experienced firsthand what it means to “live below the line” …To be in survival mode. To have those moments when I did not care about anyone else, I could not help anyone else, I focused only on myself, that was the worst feeling of all. I was physically present, but my mind was only on my concerns. The realization that this is where many people exist day in and day out breaks my heart. Pain does absolutely suck and it sucks the life out of you, preventing you from being there for others, but living with pain and believing limitations are a death sentence is a choice.
This injury showed me what it feels like to be afraid and unable to trust your own body and how that fear manifests in more pain. Realizing that the more I thought about not moving a certain way, the more fear I experienced and the more restricted I felt. Again, I realize that many people exist in this state for months, years even. It becomes a perpetual cycle that few break free from.
I learned that sometimes all we can do is hang on…when you can’t solve the problem and are overwhelmed with pain, grit your teeth and hang on. No matter how bad things get, you’re not going to die…Searching for and finding the strength to endure injury, pain, challenge, and difficulty is something we all can stand to experience from time to time…In these times we build resilience, and more so we develop gratitude. Without dark, there is no light after all. I realize too that I could have and maybe should have sought out a Therapist or seen a Doctor for pain meds but I do truly, deeply believe the body can heal itself and I saw this injury as an opportunity to prove that, which ultimately, I did.
Through this injury, I saw just how powerful the simple act of breathing can be. How it truly is the language the body best understands. However I also realized how demanding controlling your breath is when you are actually in pain.
I learned that the things I have been teaching others for years in regards to movement restoration and resilience, and the body’s ability to heal itself are true but takes more than a coach telling you so to realize it. Finding the strength and courage we all have inside of us that allows us to overcome takes an internal fortitude, grit, determination and tremendous faith to see yourself through to the other side. To know and believe you are NOT BROKEN, can be easier said than done.
Above all , I learned that knowing and experiencing are two very different things. It’s been over 15 years since I had any type of significant injury and since then I have studied many systems designed to help other people get out of pain and regain movement…I know all the “theory” and could help others but at times it was hard to empathize…I can honestly say now I get it, I understand. I know now what being afraid to move feels like. I know what not trusting your body feels like. I know now what it feels like not to be able to do basic things like bend over and tie your shoes, and lose sleep night after night and the compounding effects of sleep deprivation. I know what it feels like to think that no one else understands just how much pain you are in and what you would give to be out of it even for just a few minutes.I am blessed to know what feeling helpless means and how easy it can be to spiral down into a perpetual cycle of pain-fear-pain, to want to throw your hands up and resign or find yourself hooked on pain meds.
Today, 6 weeks from the initial injury, I am 100%. I am training again and I feel whole, healthy, vital and strong.( Funny, that’s exactly what I kept telling myself throughout, amazing how that works ;) I am Grateful beyond all measure. I am back to living above the line. Able to be there for others and give them my best. Shifting our perspective and seeing injury and pain as a gift, an opportunity to learn and understand our bodie better is step one to reclaiming strength, pain-free movement, and living a life without fear. I realize I am an outlier…I have decades of training experience and through that, I have gained an intimate relationship with my body, I listen to it closely and know many ways to help it heal itself…but for the millions of people suffering daily who don’t know how to overcome and break the cycle, you are who I am here for, and better equipped than ever to walk the path towards freedom from pain with you.
Stay Strong ,
Coach Q.
